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The last of it....

"You should have seen the look on her face when i said I'm leaving the city! Her eyes just exploded in little drops that melt the air, but not me… I am on my way to do something for the first time for me, not for her ambition, not for her big dreams, for myself!
I am counting the hours until my train will get here, its a Sunday but i feel like i have to be at work. so great not having a job for the moment!
Its such a great summer, such a great smile on my heart, finally being on a real road, not just in those old books that colored my eyes and dreams!
Standing here on this bench reminded me of my first kiss, it was so unreal, so wet and so far away from me!
Waiting for the train felt like waiting for him to kiss me again, but that its just silly,
"the train isn’t bringing him back" I said to myself!
The time is 9 a.m. and the train whispers to me that this is real, I am leaving home for a better feeling, for a better future!
So many people around me, I don't know anybody but we all stay so close to the train, to each other!
The air feels like smoke, my lips are salted by my own body, the water I lose makes me feel uncomfortable and my dress is getting all wet.
Someone pushes me and I yell, nobody listens, its just a crowded train station.
The train opens the doors after it stops with a long whistle that made my head hurt!
people get out of the train but I can't see them cause I am looking for my wagon, my number, its so hot outside and I feel that just someone threw hot water at me.
I find my wagon and I look at the door, I can't see straight because of the Sun that shines to much this day!
the light goes away cause someone is blocking it and I open my eyes....
I felt just like 5 years ago, on that winter cold day, on that bench, when we where skipping the biology class, when he kissed me... away from the people, just us... a cold air melted my salted lips...
He kisses me again in the train station... in front of everyone... it only lasted a minute, a second, an hour, a lifetime....

I found myself in my seat and the train is leaving... its not bad timing... I am leaving the city for my future, and he is coming back for me....
He stayed and watched in the train station, after 5 years after we broke up, and looked at the train that was leaving him as a sweet and pure memory from a cold and lonely winter!"

                                     Dor Amar -2014


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The one

From all the men I've met.
From all the men that I have seen.
My heart decided to love the one that doesn't love!

The man that looks at me like I belong to him! The man that took all of me, Meat and pain, Leaving my bloody heart to die in vain...

What have I learned

What have I learned about myself?
On those lonely nights with you?
On those wet of tears pillows,
Under your sweat and heartbeat?

I've learned that I don't belong there,
Or you with me.
I've learned that I'm to weak
And that you can crush me at any time.

I've learned that one sided love is never enough
As long as the other person projects its fears to the other.
My love it's to weak for you.
But it will always be there, as it always was!

An end

Summer in my hair,
Winter in my heart.
I've waited for you in the dark. Poison and despair.
I have done my part. I have given you my heart!