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The last of it....

"You should have seen the look on her face when i said I'm leaving the city! Her eyes just exploded in little drops that melt the air, but not me… I am on my way to do something for the first time for me, not for her ambition, not for her big dreams, for myself!
I am counting the hours until my train will get here, its a Sunday but i feel like i have to be at work. so great not having a job for the moment!
Its such a great summer, such a great smile on my heart, finally being on a real road, not just in those old books that colored my eyes and dreams!
Standing here on this bench reminded me of my first kiss, it was so unreal, so wet and so far away from me!
Waiting for the train felt like waiting for him to kiss me again, but that its just silly,
"the train isn’t bringing him back" I said to myself!
The time is 9 a.m. and the train whispers to me that this is real, I am leaving home for a better feeling, for a better future!
So many people around me, I don't know anybody but we all stay so close to the train, to each other!
The air feels like smoke, my lips are salted by my own body, the water I lose makes me feel uncomfortable and my dress is getting all wet.
Someone pushes me and I yell, nobody listens, its just a crowded train station.
The train opens the doors after it stops with a long whistle that made my head hurt!
people get out of the train but I can't see them cause I am looking for my wagon, my number, its so hot outside and I feel that just someone threw hot water at me.
I find my wagon and I look at the door, I can't see straight because of the Sun that shines to much this day!
the light goes away cause someone is blocking it and I open my eyes....
I felt just like 5 years ago, on that winter cold day, on that bench, when we where skipping the biology class, when he kissed me... away from the people, just us... a cold air melted my salted lips...
He kisses me again in the train station... in front of everyone... it only lasted a minute, a second, an hour, a lifetime....

I found myself in my seat and the train is leaving... its not bad timing... I am leaving the city for my future, and he is coming back for me....
He stayed and watched in the train station, after 5 years after we broke up, and looked at the train that was leaving him as a sweet and pure memory from a cold and lonely winter!"

                                     Dor Amar -2014


  1. From where is coming the inpiration for all of this ......................?


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The last light

The last thing she said to him was a name, a name for the light.
She vanished into the darkness, leaving him alone in the last gasp of light.
There is no air in the other side, no time and no memory.
How can you search for yourself when you don't have a taste of your own irony!?

The presence he once felt was lost in the place of no name.
Where the light has no game.
No storm to clean up after he is gone.
Where the tears are for no one.


"As I am shaking under the idea of you loving me still, after all this time that we have been away from each other, I am trying to light up my cigarette and forget about you, like I did so many times.
I try to keep all the emotions away, but they are deep into my existence, in my blood, in my dreams and they define me as I am. My shadow of a person, small and unfulfilled, in pain and lost!"


It was dark and warm, not the feeling I once had, not the comfort I once imagined. It was more real than the books I read and praised, more in the moment that the moment itself. I was scared as I always was, but this time a part of me was brave and lived for that split of a second, for that moment of closing my eyes and letting him kiss me under the falling snowflakes.
    I knew then as I know now how wrong it was for me to do that, but it seemed like my imagination was something I could touch, and I had him.
   Looking back at that moment seems like looking in a book, reading a story about a girl that loved a boy that existed in her head, but the boy was real. The boy still exists, but the boy is different from what she thinks he is.
   Is it selfish to look at a person like that? Taking only the parts that you want a person to be?

Dor Amar 2014